KC

2018 was a roller coaster to me. Unlike how I always say it in my previous blogs before this one, I mean it when I say it was a total roller coaster.

Many times have I thought that I will always face the world with negativity and anger and hatred towards everyone who surround me. I have had a bad past with relationships with my friends and family, until now that I have never felt so renewed and cleansed.

Today, December 9, 2018, my family decided to have a confession and there I poured out everything that has been bothering me for several years now. I cried like a baby talking to this stranger of a priest about all the things I have done in my life that made me despise who I am. My family has never been like this - close to God. Well, my mother has but most of us either pray by ourselves but not as a whole family. My youngest sister Mench is a miracle. Because of her, I believed in heaven. I have known about heaven as it was told in school, but I was the type who doesn't necessarily fully believe until I see or experience it myself. My sister was in heaven when she was confined in the hospital where she almost died. She made me believe that there is a better place out there, after life here on Earth. It was the most beautiful assurance that I have ever heard of about life itself. Because this world is full of theories about what happens after death, and my sister just narrated to me what she saw, and I was in awe and happy at the same time to know that even after death, there is someone and something beautiful that awaits, and for that, I could not dare look back at how dark I saw life.

I have been wanting to go to confession for several months, even last year. It was either I didn't have enough time to go because of work, or because when I planned to have one, confession schedules were in the afternoon to which I cannot go anymore. I'm both glad and a bit ashamed at the same time. Glad because it feels light. It feels like all the darkness within me has been taken and washed away; Ashamed because the clear glass door from the confession booth was clear enough to be seen outside by other people and I was crying like a freak. Nonetheless, having confession almost 7 years after graduating college has been one of the most fulfilling things that I have done, and I am glad and proud to say that I have conquered my worries as I also have assurance from my folks about how I shouldn't worry too much about the future, no matter what profession I will be having - as this has been the number one reason why I also have anxiety.

Today marks the day of new life, a new beginning, and another chance to live. It feels like I have died for several years and was brought to life again. Thank you, Lord! For bringing me and my family together through You.